It always seems like such a great idea in February. That’s when HR stops staring at the chicken entrails long enough to ask if you want a summer student in your department. And despite all evidence that you really don’t, you say yes. You say yes because someone needs to shift that box of brochures. You say yes because you have a bunch of duplicates in your trade show list. You say yes because your overworked team is practically sprouting a rash they’re so excited about a student.
Sometimes, even when you know this is akin to renting a puppy, you say yes because the student in question is Spawn-of-Corporate-Overlord and in that scenario, “no” sounds a lot like “yes”. Boy, are you ever screwed. Your summer just became an endless search for things to keep the student busy, because even if you stack up all those tiny tasks you keep wishing would just get done, they probably amount to a week of work, if that.
As for the students themselves, I just name them all Skippy, regardless of gender, and that way I don’t feel the least bit guilty when they spend the summer staring out the window wondering if it’s actually possible to die of boredom.
Now I like students just fine, and I have no ethical issues with this form of child labour. They’re wonderful in retail stores, barns, warehouses, garden centres and up ladders, but summer students in marketing departments are rarely a great idea because they don’t have any skills. Or at least any that you can use. I have a few teenagers kicking about my house and, as far as I can tell here is what they know how to do: they can make Kraft Dinner (they cannot clean up afterward), they can use Facebook, Tumblr, MineCraft and YouTube all at the same time, while lip synching the dialogue from a Family Guy episode they’ve seen 36 times. They can roll their eyes. They can sleep. They can slam doors. Some of them can drive. A few can hack my email account and spend the summer cleaning the eavestroughs as punishment. But they can’t really be helpful in the marketing department.
Of course, this doesn’t help you now, does it? You’re stuck with a Skippy or maybe several, aren’t you? And that eight or ten weeks is looking like a long, dark tunnel, isn’t it? Gentle friend, I’m here to help. Here are some tried and true things to keep Skippy busy for at least part of the summer.
- That damn closet:
Every marketing department has at least one scary closet or storage room where you’ve been dumping t-shirts, stress balls, brochures and plastic models of the prefrontal cortex for years. Get Skippy to clean it out. Tell your Skippy to take a Sharpie, an iPod and a can of RockStar and go make sense of it all. They’ll need someone to peek in now and again and help them decide what is and isn’t garbage, but it’ll kill a few days. You can probably wring a week out of it if you ask them to label boxes, do an inventory and type it all up for you. - The bloody pop up booth:
Chances are you have one or more of these little beauties kicking around. When was the last time you actually set it up and had a good look at it? You really ought to because you just know that sales repacked it after the last show with the help of a five iron and it just won’t be pretty. Make your Skippy set it up and take it down a few times just to see if everything works. If you have a high-functioning Skippy, ask them to make a handy video of how to set it up and put it away. Sales won’t watch the video but shooting and editing is good for at least three or four days. While they’re at it, have them check your easels, literature holders and other peripherals for damage. - The fu@*ing brochures:
These almost always need attention. Someone has to go through all the sell sheets, case studies and other collateral and make sure they’re in clearly labeled boxes and all the same version and language. That’s probably only a day but if you make Skippy count them and type up an inventory, that’s going to stretch it. If you have QR codes on your paper, make them test every one of them for you. - Print your website:
There is really no reason to print a website any more but it takes forever, so it’s a Skippy chore. The point here is really to get them to test all the links and make sure they work but if you ask a Skippy to do that, they’ll click on three links and assume the rest work too. If you have a fairly bright Skippy, ask them to map the site for you too. There’s a week right there. Get them to generate a word cloud while they’re at it and put all the pages in a giant binder with dividers. - Rent them out:
Not all departments get a Skippy, but many want one (for the same deluded reasons you wanted one too, no doubt). Fire a note around to your colleagues generously offering to let them put your Skippy to work for a few days (or weeks). They don’t have to know the kid can barely use an elevator, and you’ll earn serious Corporate Karma points for sharing. Bonus points if you can figure out how to cross-charge Skippy’s time and make yourself a profit centre. - Tchotchke Quest:
Fall is but a few short weeks away, and with it another season of fun trade shows and conferences. You’ll need to stock up on pens, things that blink and unique flashlights so why not get Skippy to troll your supplier websites for cool ideas? Make Skippy put together a presentation of his or her ideas for your fall trinket buy, including costs, minimums, shipping times and so on. It really won’t add much value, but Skippy will be happy dreaming about the cool car safety kit with matching divot fixer you’re never going to order. - Break out the label machine:
Even a Skippy with a hangover can go through your paper files and create nice, neat labels for things. While they’re at it, have them put the contents in date order and replace any folders that are looking a little tattered. - Team photos:
All Skippys come complete with a mobile phone, so why not leverage that skill set by having them take lovely photos of the whole team for your non-existent intranet site or the next fun-filled team-building day. Nobody would be mean enough to refuse an earnest student waving an iPhone. Make them edit the photos and put them on fun backgrounds. Very time-consuming. - Send them home:
Does your office have summer hours? Probably not, but Skippy doesn’t have to know that. Send the poor kid home on Fridays at 2pm or even noon. You’ll be the coolest boss ever and you won’t have to end your week trying to entertain a bored, sullen Skippy. Note: If your Skippy is Spawn-of-Overlord, you may want to reconsider this one.
How do you keep Skippy busy?
Bizmarketer is Elizabeth Williams
Follow me on Twitter @bizmkter
or email escwilliams@gmail.com
Lisa says
Hilarious, and SO VERY TRUE. If only I had thought to entertain our Skippys that way 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Jane Oldaker says
Excellent post Bizzy – I’m going to share it with a summer student I know and love.
Jessie D says
Summer student not only read it but had to be veddy veddy careful not to spray her beverage all over her office computer monitor… this Skippy is inventorying records in the deepest, darkest depths of her place of employment. Records retention initiatives, a career path for skippies everywhere!
bizmarketer says
Good move on not spraying your computer. They probably have logoed sippy cups in that closet just for people like you.
jbglad59 says
Since they can make KD, why not get Skippy to cater your summer staff appreciation event? Seriously though, if your Skippy is not interested in whatever your team’s business is, why not get them to organize that summer event? It’s arguably a good office-life learning experience, and the person who usually has to do it will probably be relieved not to have to listen to Joe explain yet again why the automatic weapons range down the block from his trailer park is the beat possible place for team building.
bizmarketer says
Good idea but do we really want to spend our team-building time overdosing on Pez while our friends think of stupid ways to ride a shopping trolly down an escalator?
Karen says
Hilarious. You are always good for a smile or an outright laugh – sometimes with tears streaming down my face. Our Skippy is being put to work doing a collateral inventory and it’s a big, BIG inventory. Then he’ll have to decide which is old and needs to be thrown out, which needs to be re-ordered, which can be moved to online ordering, etc. He’s VERY keen though and already took a sample of brochures from our stores “just to see”. We may have a different issue this time: Skippy turning into Chester (from the Bugs Bunny series). The last thing we need is 101 good ideas from a wired student full of enthusiasm …
bizmarketer says
Oh, dear. Maybe we need to work on hints to crush the enthusiasm of the scary Chesters.