In which we examine how giving something to someone for free can go horribly awry.
I love free stuff. I love gourmet baskets at Christmas; I love travel mugs, screen wipey things, sticky notes and the whole shebang. I particularly love it when a freebie is tied to a larger campaign or message and presents the idea to me in a way that is fresh, amusing or at least a little different. So imagine my joy when a package arrived today, unbidden, from a local agency with which I recently had a very good conversation about possibly working together.
It was a big flat package about 18 by 12 inches. Oh goody! Hope it’s a notebook sleeve. Or a lovely book. Or a pop-up thing that will entertain me for the rest of the day.
Now imagine my No-Pony-For-Christmas-Again disappointment when out slides a calendar. Yes, I said calendar. A glance at the calendar already on my wall confirms that it is indeed March. A closer look reveals that, contrary to the Happy Holidays, Elizabeth imprint on the front of the piece, it’s not the holidays anymore (unless you count Purim, which was two weeks ago or St. Patrick’s Day which is tomorrow). WTF?
It gets better: each page in this lovely thing is personalized with my first and/or last name. And that name is used each month in different a statement meant, I think, to make me feel good about myself. March, for example, has a pretty stock image of Earth, over which is written “Elizabeth Williams counted to infinity. Twice.” Okaaaay.
April has a tornado and the words: “When you open a can of Whoop-Ass Elizabeth Williams jumps out”. Really?
In December there is a photo of an office worker gagged and bound to a chair with this little gem: “You don’t have to do everything Elizabeth says…it’s just better if you do.” Can’t you just hear the HR lady rushing down the hall?
My favourite of the bunch, however, is November. Paparazzi scene with these words: ”Good looking, smart, generous, charming, funny and, whoa, check out Elizabeth’s ass.” I’m pretty sure they don’t mean my donkey.
So let’s count the BizMarketer Rules for Free Stuff this sucker breaks:
1. Is it relevant?
I suppose a calendar is relevant but generally only in the December to January timeframe.
2. Is it useful?
Calendars are more useful than stress balls but this one is almost impossible to read from a distance so probably wouldn’t work for day-to-day use. Also, how many people use calendars for anything other than a little wall candy and a quick glance? How many people use calendars which discuss their rear ends?
3. Is it on-message?
I don’t know. There was no covering letter explaining why I was getting this. No clue about whether they were impressing me with personalized printing, design, copy, spiral binding or anything else. There is no messaging in the calendar that suggests what this agency does or why the calendar represents it.
4. Is it engaging or essential?
Well it’s a little insulting so in that sense it’s certainly engaged me but only long enough to blog about it and throw it away. I think we can agree commentary on my ass is neither engaging nor essential.
5. Do you want to do business with the company?
Absolutely not. But my donkey is considering it.
BizMarketer is written by Elizabeth Williams,
I help companies have better conversations
Drop me a line at ewilliams@candlerchase.com
Or follow me @bizmkter
The poor taste and carelessness which saturates this freebie is mind-boggling. One can only imagine they wished to show off their self-perceived cleverness. It is about as personal as a tea-leaf reading, that should be “whip-ass” as far I am concerned and speaking of one’s ass, let’s not.