Five Other Moves That Prove You’re A Young Fart Marketer

Last week we considered some of the regrettable moves that are the hallmarks of Old Fart Marketing. This week, let’s turn the other cheek and take a look at Young Farts. Just as a gentle reminder, we’re not commenting here on age, but on behaviour. Young Farts, like their Old Fart brethren, can be any age whatsoever.

You’ll recognize them as the folks who roll through four-way stops like they’re a suggestion, or who tap impatiently on the screen when it takes just a 500^th of a second too long to refresh, and who just can’t be bothered to signal that lane change since it’ll be over before they can reach the little flicker.  Here’s how you know you’ve got a few them in your marketing department.

 Content for the Sake of Content

When was the last time you downloaded something that was actually useful? Me too. My download folder has far too many checklists of obviousness, dozens of infographics that regurgitate the same stuff they could express in a sentence and a lot of mostly random link bait crap. This is a sure sign that some Young Farts are turning the handle on the content grinder and shoving something (anything) into the ether in the misguided belief that if some content is good, more content is better and mega content is the best.  This is what causes content shock, unsubscribes and embarrassing rashes. I might be making up the last one.

Interrupting Incessantly

There are a few fantastic blogs and reference sites I visit weekly or more often, but lately I’ve stopped, and the reason is the constant frigging pop-ups. Join our mailing list (did that, thanks; why don’t you know that?); come to our event; follow us on Twitter; download our ebook, and on it goes. Marketing is, at its core, an interruption of some sort. When it’s working properly, the interruptions feel like helpful whispers along the way. When Young Farts are on the loose, it feels like a series of speed bumps, each more irritating than the last.

Bad Pre-roll

Speaking of interruptions, it’s bad enough you’re stopping people on their way to something disappointing but does it have to be with something that is meaningless? Taking the first five or eight or ten seconds of your disappointing video and making it a toll-booth on the way to something else is not a good idea. It’s a dumb idea. It’s bad for your brand; it’s bad for your customers, it’s  just bad. If you must keep us busy for five seconds until the Skip Ad button comes on, at least have enough respect to produce 5 seconds of fantastic content for us to watch.

Abusing Micro Conversions

Last week we talked about how Old Fart Marketers waste micro conversions by forgetting to say thank you, not acknowledging engagement and not following up with polite suggestions. Young Farters go the other way: they’re the ones on the phone while the content is still downloading. They’re the ones spinning up chatbots and assaulting inboxes with no further invitation than a filled in form or a retweet. I know it’s thrilling when someone you are not related to expresses an interest in your work, but it does not mean they want to have your babies. The trick here is to stand back and let them get to know you and your brand on their terms and acknowledge each tiny act of interest with grace and deference. If it feels a bit sleazy, it probably is and you should not give in to your Young Fart impulse.

Fragmented Tactics

Sometimes we have a whole herd of Young Farts each working furiously to drive those leads, upsell that base and unclog that funnel. The problem is, when we don’t stop to check in with each other, we end up with multiple campaigns hitting all the same folks, while other worthy potential customers are left to wander for weeks or months on end. A side effect of enthusiastic Young Farters is a fragmented and inconsistent conversation that mostly wastes everyone’s time and money.

Let’s end here and agree that what we need is a nice balance between caution and chaos, and a willingness to call one another out when someone’s farting.

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BizMarketer is written by Elizabeth Williams
I help companies have better conversations
Drop me a line at ewilliams@candlerchase.com