Perhaps I’m naive but I have this expectation that December is a kinder, gentler part of the year: a time when things slow down, when we sneak out for a few hours to knock off some shopping. When we surrender our ritual tithes to the Productivity Prevention department, the mailroom, the Hand-wringers, and the Keebler Elves so that our computers won’t suck, our mail won’t be read and discarded, our creativity won’t be mauled, our contracts won’t be gutted and our suppliers won’t be humiliated. Such a lovely time of the year.
We all know there’s a chance our Overlords will want a sacrifice to appease the Opex Gods before the Solstice, but in general a good seat sale to the Mayan Riviera will take care of them, and we can finish up the year in a haze of lunches, cocktail parties, passive-aggressive gift exchanges and the illusion that there is peace on the eleventh floor and goodwill toward the plant watering man.
So why am I stressed? Why is my Inbox full of Buy-Now-Or-Die offers, which kind of make me feel threatened? It’s busier than mating season on a goat farm and I think I know why.
The people who sell events, trinkets, ad space, mysterious consulting services and that sinister outplacement stuff (which, as the name suggests, is taking used up things to the curb to be hauled away) are all trying to slide in a few more sales before the end of the year.
Do they think I suddenly remembered $100K in my sock drawer? Or perhaps they are hopeful I discovered some pocket change in the couch? Maybe it’s because I’m so darned cheerful on account of all the Danish butter cookies. I don’t know but I think these people think I am going to buy something from them.
They are wrong. Like good marketers everywhere, I am out of money. I’ve been finessing the budget for weeks to hit that elusive number that’s just a little higher than my forecast but way lower than the threshold for a public flogging. I have demonstrated my need for the gobs of budget I got in January, while treating the company’s money as if it were my own (except that I didn’t fill the storage room here with scotch, books and questionable footwear decisions).
So stop bothering me already. I’m not buying things this month. I don’t care if the price is going to go up 20% in January (it won’t) or that I will get a wall calendar if I sign now (please no). I am fairly certain the world will not end (that’s on my calendar for 2012), my competitors will not dine on my still-warm entrails and my eczema will not flare up just because I don’t sign now.
In fact, here’s my position: If you need an answer this month then that answer is no. If you can wait until January, and we both know you can, then the answer is maybe. Now get the hell out of here; it’s frigging Christmas.
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BizMarketer is written by Elizabeth Williams
I help companies have better conversations
Drop me a line at ewilliams@candlerchase.com
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