All Together Now: Blame Marketing

Who doesn’t  love the end of the quarter? Time to kick back with a nice drink and celebrate a job well done! Pardon me? You didn’t make your numbers? You missed the revenue target? You pooched your opex? The finance people are closing in like Dementors? The Sales Squirrels are running in ever-diminishing circles? You know what’s next, don’t you? Something has to be sacrificed to appease the God of Sales Awards Clubs. On South Park* they blame Canada; in the real world, they blame marketing.

If you missed your quarter, here is my consolation prize for you:

*the South Park version of this is rather vulgar so if you follow the link to find the tune, don’t complain to me about the cut-out paper dolls’ foul mouths.

BLAME MARKETING

Times have changed
Sales is a lazy bunch
They won’t be hitting quota
They just want to golf and lunch
Should we blame the HR dweebs or blame it on IT?
Or should we tell sales teams our stuff ain’t free?

NO!
Blame marketing, blame marketing
With all their stupid ROIs
An’ Twitter streams so full of lies
Blame marketing, blame marketing
We need a way to pass this buck, our marketing sucks

Don’t blame me for my results
I’m just a sales guy and I can’t take your dark insults
And I spent hours making your content much less bland
But now when you see it you tell me it’s not on brand

Well, blame marketing, blame marketing
It seems that our quarter’s gone to hell
‘cuz our marketing’s not swell
they don’t even do any real work, anyway

Our firm could have shipped the product out this quarter but we missed
Instead it ended up atop a toxic substance list
Should we blame the lawyers? Should we blame IT?
Or the offshore outsourced test facility?

HECK NO!
Blame marketing, blame marketing
With their funnel scoring ado
And their social strategy too
Blame marketing, shame on marketing
FOR
The Facebook account
The price strategy
Those creative clowns
Must all be shut down
We must blame them and cause them to fail
Before someone thinks of blaming sales

Bizmarketer is Elizabeth Williams
Follow me on Twitter @bizmkter
or email escwilliams@gmail.com