The Final Sally: Step Five on Your Email Marketing Journey

Last rant on email, I promise (well, at least until someone sends me something stupid again).  On our journey to become the Sally Field of Email Marketing, this week I want to revisit the notion of the Sacred Inbox. My assertion then, as now, is that an Inbox is hallowed ground, and if you want something to get in there and stay in there and have some result, you need to keep that in mind before you let the agency wonks click Send.

As with most other sacred places, if you observe a few rules and try to act like a decent human being, you’ll not have any trouble. Here are the three  rules:

1. Be relevant
2. Don’t waste anyone’s time
3. Try not to be a scumbag

The Sin of Irrelevance is perhaps the most prevalent and preventable of the bunch. First off, don’t send things late. I know, I know, it takes days or even weeks for a lead to get from the tradeshow or the WebGeekLords to the thing that sends email, but you need to fix that. Because if I don’t remember meeting you, or downloading your material or entering your contest, then I am going to cast you out of my Inbox in a hurry. Give the GeekLords some money and ask them to build you an automated responder system that kicks out something the same day someone reaches out for material or information. But don’t let sales write it!

Another way to beat irrelevance is to customize the piece. No, not with my name; anyone can do that. Customize it with some reminder of why you are sending me this email. Phrases like “thanks for downloading our whitepaper on becoming a Budget Ninja…” will not only remind me about our relationship but reinforce the notion that you actually care what I read.

Another way to customize is to link the copy up with sales funnel location. So if I’m circling about at the top of the funnel kicking tires and sniffing dry erase markers, you may want to send me something more general than, say, if I’m arm wrestling with the P-Cube over your statement of work. In the first instance, a lovely newsletter might be good; in the latter, an e coupon for Ativan would be relevant.

Relevance really depends on data and data needs to be segmented properly. How many emails do you receive that leave you absolutely baffled in the relevance department? I am on the mailing list for some very gruesome medical products as well as important research such as this:

I’m guessing I receive this because I once bought space at a medical event to sell a decidedly non-clinical product. But the Golden Retriever they’ve hired to do their segmentation has not flagged me as 1) a supplier 2) a Canadian 3) squeamish. Plus they seem to think my time can be purchased for $25 per 15 minutes.

The Sin of Time Theft is quite avoidable too. It’s got to do with getting to the point, and giving me a reason to take my finger off the Delete key. It also has to do with acknowledging that my opening your message in the first place is a leap of faith and then not screwing with me when I take that leap. Some marketers make it easy to nuke their messages: Like this one wondering if half an hour of my time is worth an iPod shuffle. That’s an easy one, no, my time is not worth that. It’s worth more. It’s worth at least a $50 Amex gift card. Bugger off.

There is a Sin of Scum as well. Scummy email is really not necessary anymore, is it? I mean, why would you come to this sacred spot (my inbox) and defile it with slimy, obsequious, misleading  crap? Show a little respect. Bloody Nick is a good example of inappropriate sacred place behavior. If you don’t recall Bloody Nick, he’s the Speaking Guru who promised to make me ridiculously good at public speaking over and over and over again. And he can’t spell Ottawa.

Or that company we looked at earlier that offered budget planning advice and fulfilled it with a pricing page. Scummy, guys.

So to recap, here’s how we become the Sally Field of Email Marketing:

1. Take the Pledge
2. Get to the Point
3. Stay Out of the Jungle
4. Don’t Let Sales Write Email
5. Remember the Sacred