Marketing to the F-Word Part II: Feel the Burn

Last time we talked about getting your inner Gordon Ramsay engaged as you target the people who both influence and, often, decide on large B2B purchases. This group, sandwiched between the relationship-driven C-Suite and the process-focused P-Cube, is the F-Word (F is for Functional Group) and it demands a different type of marketing. To win here you need F-Bombs.

There is much to learn from Gordon’s exploits in the foulest kitchens on earth as revealed in Kitchen Nightmares. Here we go with Part 2.

Simplify

After he’s cleaned the bikers out of the bar and the moldy sausages out of the fridge, Gordon gets to work on the menu. Most of these dreadful places have a large and dreadful menu. It’s no wonder the kitchen can’t cook any of their 127 types of fish very well; they can’t remember the first 15. So Gordon tosses the whole frozen, dehydrated, reheated, reconstituted, microwaved mess out the window and creates a menu with four appetizers, six entrees and two desserts. With enough practice, even the moldy sausages could turn this thing out twice a day fairly reliably.

F-Words seek simplcity also. They want clearly defined roles and responsibilities. They want to understand the company strategy and be left alone to implement it. They want things that work and people who work too. Simple is good. Simple is easy. Simple-that-looks-complicated is the best simple of all, because simple-that-looks-complicated is a form of job security. The C-Suite is secretly terrified an F-Word will F-off and they will, at least briefly, be stuck with some of the responsibility. The more complex something appears to be, the more likely they are to let the F-Word just get on with it.

Marketing this stuff is pretty simple. Speak the language of the F-Word and show them a simple, straightforward path from the manure heap they currently stand in to the lovely pastoral scene that is how they view their day. Demonstrate the simple, elegant way in which whatever you do gets them to the desired state. Give them the tools to sell this simple thing internally (remember, the C-Suite doesn’t buy anything, they just drink your booze, eat your cheese and play golf, that’s it).

F-Bomb: Help the F-Word craft the message they need to sell it up the food chain and to the P-Cube without requiring them to learn all sorts of confusing details someone might ask about.  Give them complicated-looking flow charts, diagrams, process flows and a very simple script to explain it all. Make them look smart.

Implement or Die Trying

After all the firing, cleaning and simplifying, Gordon slaps a coat of paint on the restaurant and a brassiere on the hostess and opens for business. No practice runs, no dress rehearsals, just a packed house with a new menu and a terrified staff. Mostly they are terrible, but they are an order of magnitude less terrible than the last time they cooked anything. The assembled patrons can do nothing but fawn over the lovely menu, gush over the cheery paint job and suck back whatever shows up on the plate.

In the kitchen, meantime, there are fires, tears, thrown pots, ruined sweetbreads and general mayhem. This is a typical day for an F-Word trying to get a project or a deliverable out the door. The closer it is to the deadline, the more people cry. F-Words, like Gordon, spend their time hovering at the line watching the kitchen almost make the food properly and the waiters almost get it to the right table and the owners almost seem charming. And when almost is about to screw things over, they throw on an apron and grab a spatula and shout a lot.

The P-Cube doesn’t do urgent. The C-Suite doesn’t care about urgent; they just want their meal. The F-Word lives urgent. So if your solution makes urgent less, well, urgent they will be all over it. If your solution means they can take off the apron and watch from the other side, they will sign on the dotted line. If your solution means they can go sit at the bar, comfortable that all is working as it should, they’ll tattoo your logo on their kids.

F-Bomb: Marketing to this urgency is your key. The process and the deliverable are rarely the real issues; what F-Words want vendors to solve is the stress of it all:

• Make the urgent things routine.
• Make the scary things friendly.
• Make the complicated stuff easy.

That’s your value proposition for the F-Word. C-Suite wants track record and golf. P-Cube wants value and clean paperwork. F-Word wants it all to hurt a little bit less. Can you do that? Then you’re in.

Check Back in Six Months

The best part about Kitchen Nightmares is when Gordon comes back in six months to see how things are going.  I don’t know what the producers do if the entire thing has collapsed under the weight of a precious lobster foam since the episodes (admittedly few) that I’ve seen show a business transformed.

Gordon is greeted as the returning hero, the kitchen sparkles, the chef (formerly the cringing dishwasher) is sober and in charge, the owners are professional and resolute. Gordon preens, eats a little, preens some more and with a kiss on both cheeks he’s out of there.

F-Words secretly want to be that Gordon: a conquering hero who looks back with bemused pride on what seemed an impossible thing that is now elegantly routine. And they want someone to make a show about it because the C-Suite probably hasn’t noticed.

Going back to the customer in the months following implementation of your solution or completion of your project is a great way to nail down your F-Word as a long-term champion. While there is always the risk that the whole thing went horribly wrong and they have your company name on the hazardous substances list in the kitchen, a quick call to your sales or implementation teams should let you know how things went, more or less.

F-Bomb: Assuming all went well, you have a terrific opportunity to shine the light once again on your F-Word hero:

• Invite them to speak to your marketing team about their experience with the product
• Make them a member of your customer advisory board
• Write a case study
• Give them to your PR team as a reference for article pitches.
• Make them famous in their (or your) industry.

Also make them famous up in the C-Suite. The opposite of an end run is a ticker-tape parade you hold for your F-Word in the C-Suite. Make sure their Corporate Overlords understand the success your F-Word has wrought from your product or service. Praise their vision, cooperation and nerves of steel while ignoring their threats, substance abuse and paranoia.

Here is a diagram that is somewhat helpful in putting together the whole P-Cube, F-Word, C-Suite world. Maybe take this to your next planning session and see if you can identify your key messages for each of our friends.

Related Posts

Forget the C-Suite, the Money’s in the P-Cube
Marketing to the F-Word Part I: Your Inner Gordon

BizMarketer is written by Elizabeth Williams
I help companies have better conversations
Drop me a line at ewilliams@candlerchase.com
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